Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
