: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
