I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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