You're my little dorito
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Quick, to the slutcave!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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