Your tits are I can't wait for
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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