Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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