I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
