so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
