Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
