Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
