Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
