when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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