Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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