Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
