I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
