I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
