I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
