just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
