we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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