Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're breaking my sexual little heart
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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