Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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