You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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