so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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