Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
