I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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