we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
