im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
