So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
