Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
