i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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