I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
