I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
