We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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