I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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