I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize