I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
