Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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