I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we should paint friendship bongs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
