Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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