I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
