dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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