why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
