i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
