So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
