dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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