I have demons in me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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