god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Come see our sink grown plant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
