The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
