I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
love makes seman taste better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
