I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
