I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
