i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
