is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
