I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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