if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
