You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
