shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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