i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
