Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
