I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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