well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
