Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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