i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
