Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
