I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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