Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
