I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
