i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
