I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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