apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
