you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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