Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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