Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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