Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
